The Toilet
by What'dYouExpect
Summary: A toilet doesn't flush as odd events happen at the mystery shack. One-Shot and my first fanfic.


Wendy ran to the bathroom as she felt a sudden onset of pain coming on. It was that time of the month again, and it had been six days later than her usual menstrual cycle. She opened the door to the bathroom of the Mystery Shack and ran in, closing it and locking it behind her. She looked in the mirror and was visibly sweating. Wendy unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down, exposing a pink pair of panties. Wendy quickly opened up the toilet and pulled down her panties as she sat down. She began to scream in pain as the uterus lining along with a liter of blood flowed out and into the toilet.

Outside the bathroom Dipper was vacuuming up some dirt on the ground that Mabel had tracked into the shack that he wrongfully got blamed for. Dipper was signing since no one would be able to hear him over the monstrous roar of the vacuum cleaner. "Hey baby. I like that body. Give it to me good. Hmph. Give it to me good. Hmph." Dipper made a forward thrusting motion with the vacuum cleaner in his hand. Out of nowhere he heard Wendy scream and all of his senses became enlightened. He was like a squirrel trying to find his nuts after hibernation. Shutting off the vacuum cleaner Dipper called out, "Wendy! Are you okay? I can grab some bandages if you're hurt. Where are you?"

Wendy remained quiet in the bathroom. Her hand was over her mouth as she tried not to scream in pain as the rest of the lining came out and plopped into the toilet. Thankfully, Dipper had no idea she was in the bathroom since he had gotten there right after she went in. Wendy decided to play this smart and reached down into her jeans pocket and called the phone to the Mystery Shack. Upon hearing the phone ring, Dipper left to go answer it. In this time, Wendy cleaned herself quickly with the toilet paper, got up and pulled her panties up along with her jeans, as the phone sat in between her shoulder and her ear. She turned around and looked at the inside of the toilet. The water had turned red, matching the color of the tall girl's hair who stood before it. Just as Wendy leaned over to flush the toilet Dipper answered the phone.

"This is the Mystery Shack, how may I help you?" Dipper said in his innocent pre-teen voice.

Wendy wasn't sure what to do, so she played along. "Hey babe." She said in a provocative voice.

Dipper's eyes widened, he wasn't sure if it was some sick prank or legitimate. "Robbie, is that you?"

Wendy couldn't help but laugh in her head as she continued. "Of course." She tried to do her best Robbie impersonation, it wasn't half bad. "What do you say to a three-way with Wendy and I?"

"A three-way? What's that?" Dipper asked, he had never heard such a term before.

"It's three people having sex Dipper, Jesus, how stupid and immature are you?" Wendy snapped to him, laughing silently to herself away from the phone.

Dipper was a little sad, but still unsure of what to say. "Let me consult a friend and I'll let you know." Dipper said quickly as he hung up the phone and looked in both directions to make sure no one heard the conversation he had just had.

Wendy laughed to the point where she accidentally dropped her flip phone in the pool of bloody water below her. "Shit." She said to herself. She bent down and grabbed it with her right hand which was now dripping with the red liquid. She closed the lid of the toilet and flushed. Little did she know, the toilet was clogged from its previous use.

Wendy went over to the sink and began washing the phone off when she heard a knock at the door. Stan's voice began talking as she continued rinsing the phone off. "Hurry up in there, i have the new issue of Sports Illustrated Magazine, Swimsuit Edition. It's got that gorgeous redhead that kind of looks like Wendy on the front. But she has bigger tits!"

Wendy looked down and felt her breasts. Were they too small? Then again, she was only fifteen and not done growing, so she ignored Stan's comments as she dried off her phone. Wendy opened the door and gave Stan a look as he pushed through with the magazine in one hand and a bottle of moisturizer in the other. "Don't judge me woman. I have needs too!" He yelled as he slammed the door shut in her face and locked the door.

Dipper went up to his room, where Mabel was with Candy and Grenda. "Hey Mabel, can we talk?" Mabel was braiding Candy's hair as Grenda ate some Doritos off the floor.

"Sure" She said with her happy go-lucky attitude.

Dipper sat down on his bed and slouched up against the wall. He was expecting Candy and Grenda to leave, but they remained; so he began talking. "The weirdest thing just happened. Robbie called the Shack and asked if I wanted to have a three-way with him and Wendy."

Mabel was clearly interested,a long with Candy and Grenda as they began to giggle. "What'd you say?"

"I said that I'd let him know soon. What should I do?" Dipper said as he took off his hat and set it down next to him.

"Well..." Mabel paused.

"What?" Dipper asked, sitting up, curious as to what his sister would say.

"You see, girls mature faster than boys. So I know a lot more than you do at this kind of stuff. Maybe, we can help you... but it'll cost ya." She said as she smirked evilly and pointed towards Candy and Grenda.

Dipper jumped off his bed and got on his knees next to his sister. "Teach me what you know! I'll do anything!"

Mabel had Dipper right where she wanted him. By the balls.

Wendy walked back into the Mystery Shack and saw Soos hanging up a sign. "Hey Soos, where's Dipper?"

Soos turned around and climbed down the ladder he was on. He wiped his hands with a rag as he talked. "I think he went upstairs dude. I overheard him talking about some weird stuff."

"Thanks Soos." Wendy said as she made her way by the bathroom. She could hear Grunkle Stan moaning, making odd noises and talking aloud to himself. "Oh yeah Janet, that's good Wendy... What the fuck? Why do they have to put these stupid pictures of topless men in here when they advertise cologne... Curse you Calvin Klein!" Wendy ignored the sick old man and continued her way upstairs.

Mabel and her friends were now asking Dipper a series of questions to try to understand how much he knew and has done. They sat in a circle in the middle of the room. "Do you like girls?" Mabel asked. Dipper looked at her annoyed, since she already knew the answer to this question. "Fine. Do you like guys?" Dipper shook his head no. "Okay, so we know you're heterosexual." She continued. "Have you ever masturbated before?" Dipper looked at her dumbfounded. "Judging by that look, that's a no. At least now we know where to start." She turned to Candy and nodded. Candy stood up and went over to her backpack that she had brought over for the sleepover that night. She pulled out a magazine with a naked girl on the front wearing bunny ears and a white pom-pom tail.

"What's that? A naked Halloween catalog?" Dipper said nervously.

"No, this is a porn magazine." Mabel said as she took it from Grenda and flipped through it.

Just then, there was knock at the door and Mabel stuffed the magazine down her pants. Wendy opened up the door and looked at Dipper. "Hey Dip, can we talk?" Dipper got up quickly and walked out the door. Wendy shut it behind him and began talking. "Look, Dipper... About the phone call. It was a joke. I was the one who called." She quickly did her Robbie impression to prove to Dipper to show him that she wasn't lying. "I was just messing around. There's no three-way. Never was."

Dipper then said something he never saw himself saying in a million years. "But will there be?" He said. His hormones were now starting to running full speed ahead.

Wendy was taken aback by this and slapped Dipper. Little did she notice that she had forgotten to wash her hands in the bathroom, and there was still some blood water on her hands and now some of it was smeared on Dipper's face.

Dipper grabbed his hand and felt the damp slap mark that Wendy had left, he pulled his hand down as saw some redness on it. He brought it up to his mouth and licked it. "What is this?"

Wendy, quickly running down the stairs, threw up right where Dipper had vacuumed. Now, Stan came out of the bathroom with his stuff in his hands, boner still raging in his pants slipped on the puke, landing face down in it and snapping his boner. He screamed and rolled in pain as blood rushed out of his boxers.

Soos walked into the hallway, wondering what the commotion was about while eating a hot dog with some ketchup layered on it. He immediately saw the old man rolling over in the puke, a limp and snapped bulge in his boxers and blood pouring out of it. Soos simply dropped his hot dog, bun and all, onto the floor and walked out of the Mystery Shack, scarred for life. Wendy was now freaking out as she ran to the mystery Shack phone to call for an ambulance.

Mabel came out of the room as she heard Grunkle Stan screaming. Dipper was standing in front of the door, still trying to figure out what was on his face. "What's going on?" Mabel asked.

"I don't... I don't know. Wendy slapped me and I have this blood on my face, and then all of a sudden Grunkle Stan was screaming and crying downstairs in pain." Dipper said as he wiped the rest of the blood off with his sleeve. The twins walked downstairs cautiously as Grunkle Stan crawled into the gift shop, a trail of blood and puke behind him. They looked at the trail. "What is going on?" They said in unison as they followed the trail into the gift shop.

Grunkle Stan had scared away some lady with a baby in one arm and her touch screen phone in her free hand. The lady had dropped the phone... and the baby as she ran out of the Mystery Shack. The baby lay motionless next to the phone as Grunkle Stan crawled over it and grabbed the phone.

"Siri, call me an ambulance." Stan said in pain.

The phone beeped and talked back. "Hello an ambulance. Are you sure you want this as your nickname?" The electronic voice said.

Stan screamed "No!" As he threw the phone at the wall, snapping it in three pieces.

Wendy had called an ambulance in the other room and was now pacing back and forth, dry heaving over the disturbing images that had taken place right in front of her own two eyes. She then dry heaved again and ran over to the table, throwing up bile, getting most of it inside a bottle of orange juice. She wiped her mouth again and went over to the sink to wash her face.

The door to the Mystery Shack gift shop was kicked down as two EMT's ran through with a gurney. They turned and saw Stan laying there next to the baby. The paramedics immediately rushed to them and put the baby on the gurney as they rushed to the ambulance and drove off to the hospital.

Stan had now lost a lot of blood and began to feel dizzy. He collapsed and stopped moving as Mabel and Dipper could only helplessly look on as a pool of blood formed around his hips. Grunkle Stan was dead.

Dipper went up to the lifeless corpse. "Grunkle Stan? Are you okay?" He poked his face and nothing happened. He turned to Mabel, worried. "I think he's dead." Dipper said.

Mabel backed out of the room and went to the kitchen where Wendy was. "Grunkle Stan is dead!" She yelled as she got water from the sink and splashed it on her face. She was hoping this was all just a crazy dream. She ran over to the table. "I need something to drink." She panted. And before Wendy could stop her, she began to chug what was inside the orange juice bottle. Wendy threw up again in the sink and upon seeing this and the rancid taste of the bile mixed orange juice Mabel threw up as well.

Dipper walked in on the two as they remained bent over. "Screw this, I'm going to take a piss." Dipper said as he walked back to the bathroom, avoiding the pool of puke and blood. He shut the door behind him and locked it as he looked in the mirror. He washed the remnants of the blood off his face and went to the toilet, opening it up, he saw a mixture of red, brown and a oddly shaped figure in it. Finally realizing what it was, Dipper fainted, his face landing directly into the toilet, where he drowned for the rest of his young life.

Grunkle Stan closed his notebook and kissed Dipper and Mabel on their heads. "That's why we always make sure the toilet actually flushes, and to wash our hands when we use the bathroom. He said as he walked to the door and shut off the light. "Good night." Grunkle Stan shut the door and made his way to his room, the twins had fallen asleep a while ago, Soos was in his room and Wendy went home for the night. It was just him, a bottle of moisturizer and the Swimsuit Edition of Sports Illustrated.


End file.
